For the Stepmom considering divorce.

In this moment, I know at least one of you is questioning if you’re cut out for life as a Stepmom. You’re thinking of quitting.

Maybe you’re now just discovering life as a Stepmom is not a fairy tale. Or, worse yet, maybe it is like it’s depicted by Disney.

 

This lifestyle is not for the weak. Many of us go into it thinking we can help, only to recognize those we could help the most don’t want our help.

 

Do you think life would be easier if you didn’t marry into a pre-made family? To some degree, it’s true.

 

In 1st marriages, you have time to build a strong bond with your husband. In a 2nd marriage, you’re trying to build a bond in the shadow of a stronger, already established bond between father and child.

 

The thing is you’re probably comparing your marriage to a problem free 1st marriage. In other words, you’re comparing it to a marriage between 2 unicorns, because only a marriage between mythical creatures is problem free.

 

Even then, I bet they still lock horns.

 

When you choose someone to marry, you’re not just choosing the man, you’re choosing a list of problems to contend with.

 

No matter who you choose, you’re choosing problems.

 

The question at hand is not whether or not you think you can solve your problems. Research suggest 69% of your problems will never be solved.

 

The question you should be asking yourself is  whether or not you think you can accept the problems, or do you want to trade in for another set of problems?

 

Does he work too much? Leaving you to handle the child rearing and domestic duties? Would you prefer someone who works too little leaving it on you to provide for the family?

 

Does he yell a lot? Would you prefer someone who stays silent leaving you to try and fail to read his mind?

 

Is he too nice to her? Would you prefer someone adversarial knowing he will be adversarial with you too?

 

Odds are if you end this marriage you’ll replicate the same dynamics in your next relationship.

 

We’re creatures of habit. We’re subconsciously driven to recreate influential relationships of our childhood because that’s what we’re comfortable with.

 

If your Dad was a yeller, odds are you’ll be a yeller yourself, or your partner will be.

 

Maybe, just maybe, you’re perfectly positioned to become your best self in the situation you’ve created.

 

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